so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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