I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
