is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How naked do you want me to be?
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