if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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