as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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