I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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