Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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