she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
