Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
