you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
