dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I want is dick and wine.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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