Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
