I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
