how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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