I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
