I hate your face
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
