now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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