Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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