gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
