he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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