I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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