I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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