why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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