I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
