The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
