kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
