We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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