I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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