For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
