I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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