I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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