Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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