I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
