We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You ruined the universe
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
