I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What drink are we having for lunch?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
