Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
