Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
