i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
