And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
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Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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