I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
