why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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