the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're using joints as your birthday candles
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
