we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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