i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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