somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
