i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
