also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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