omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
