I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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