remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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