No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
