Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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