at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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