Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
