Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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