I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
