I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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