True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
