He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
