We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
