Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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