Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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