did you get engaged???
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
