I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
