If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
