8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
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Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
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She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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