3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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