drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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