She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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