Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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