I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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