Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
