apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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