two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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