Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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