I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
