In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
