there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
